She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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