You're completely useless in the revolution.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
