I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
