So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
