We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
