There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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