Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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