wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
