...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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