You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there's paper in my vomit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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