I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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