Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
