the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
