god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
