he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
