Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
