remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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