My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
