I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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