Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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