wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
