If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
