is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
