Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
