so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
