I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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