i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
