I need help removing her.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
