I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
