uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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