i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
