The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
