took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
as a side note pls kill me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
