It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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