She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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