Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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