addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
