I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
