you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
