What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
