I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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