Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
