Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this boner is exhausting
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
