I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Everyone says I win the strip club
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
