Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
