just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
