i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
