I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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