hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
