You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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