Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
