I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
