fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why do cheetos always look like penises
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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