lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
