fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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