The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
