My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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