So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
