lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
