girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
