Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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