I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
