my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
