I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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