I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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