none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
