Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
