Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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