Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So here I am, sexting at work.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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