best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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