She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
