Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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