Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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